What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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