it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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