Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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