omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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