He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
