turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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