drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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