quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
