Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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