So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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