I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize