im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
