my phone needs a breathalizer
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
