my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
