I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
