walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
