I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
