Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
