your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize