I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
