Non-Jews are for practice
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
