her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize