A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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