Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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