I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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