Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
