He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
