so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
