I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
