coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
