high people should be assigned attendants
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
