Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
