Already got asked if we're dating
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
