So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize