so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
