the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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