Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
two words...techno handjob
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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