Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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