i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
