arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
