Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
