Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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