Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
