He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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