I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
