I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize