We won't sleep together?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
