i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
