Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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