and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
