You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
