OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
