its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
