Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
