She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
