Tell her she can't have a vagina
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
