I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Send help, water and tortillas.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
