**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
