i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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