considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize