Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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