He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
