you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
