Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
