He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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