Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
