I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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