Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
