i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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