finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
