This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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