How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
