When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
