we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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