think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
