after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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